Last Ordinary Day
It was just another Tuesday, or at least that's what I thought.The kind of day you never dream could end with all you've lost.I kissed your cheek and held you close like I'd done a thousand times.You smiled and said, "I love you, Mom." I smiled and said, "Love you, bye."
If I'd have known those few short words would be the last we'd ever say,I'd have held on a little longer... begged you not to walk away.I'd have memorized your laugh, your voice, your smile, your face.I would've never let that hug become the last one we'd embrace.
Then 2:30 in the morning, someone beat upon my door.Before they ever said a word, I wasn't me anymore.Somewhere deep inside my soul, before they spoke your name,A mother's heart already knew... life would never be the same.
Now I cry on my way to work.I cry on my way back home.I cry in the shower where I don't have to be strong.I cry riding on the back of a Indian with the wind against my face,Trying to outrun a heartbreak that time can never erase.
I cry when I see green eyes staring back at me.I cry when another young girl laughs and steals my breath from me.I cry for who you were... and all you were meant to be.I cry because this broken world still keeps turning without you and me. Your ashes hang beside my heart everywhere I go.They're the closest thing I've got to never letting go.Your blanket's still beside me every single night.Sometimes I close my eyes and pretend you're holding me just right.
Sometimes I reach to call your phone before my mind can catch my heart.For one beautiful second, we're not so far apart.Then reality comes crashing in like it always does somehow...And I remember I'm still here... while you're not here now.
People tell me, "Time will heal." I know they're trying to care.But time didn't heal a single thing—it just taught me to wearA smile when I'm breaking, a laugh when I'm falling apart,How to answer, "I'm okay," with tears hidden in my heart.
Every birthday brings the ache.Every Christmas feels the same.Every April sixth reminds meLove still whispers your sweet name.
The hardest part wasn't losing you.
The hardest part...
Was not knowing I was living our last ordinary day.
I didn't know that last hug was the last hug.
I didn't know that last kiss was the last kiss.
I didn't know that simple "I love you"
Would become the words I'd replay a million times.
So now I carry you in every heartbeat, every sunrise, every mile I drive.I love you through every tear I cry, every breath I take, every day I survive.
And when this tired old mama finally closes her eyes for the very last time...
Don't cry because I'm gone.
Smile...
Because after all these years of missing you...
The first thing I'll do in Heaven...
Is wrap my arms around my baby...
And this time...
I'll never have to say goodbye again.
