Never wanted this

Why did I wake up from the dream? I can’t seem to breathe and I can’t seem to stay a flow away from my emotions. I may have the power to stay sane, but how can I stay away from the pain constantly coming back for more the only feeling I recognize and is used to growing up the world around we didn’t seem so dark. I ignored the pain, even though I was breaking, drowning from my emotions not realizing that you can say I was broken. I let the scar show because I wasn’t ashamed I didn’t know it was wrong to be broken. Broken is such a funny word because in the end you can’t fix it peace by peace. it takes patience and kindness where the hell was my patience and where the hell was my kindness from my family and friends I was left rotting away within my mind when I had nothing left, but my own sanity the only time I get to see God is in my dreams And that still isn’t enough I beg and plead for him to stay, but he says it’s time to move on why did I wake up from the dream? I can’t seem to breathe in. I can’t seem to stay afloat away from my emotions. How can I let this process go on being fixed to be being broken looking in the mirror seeing my own suicide then seeing all my friends and family cry is this a joke or is this truly my own mind it feels like it’s been hijacked for some time for some time for sometime why did I wake up from the dream? I can’t seem to breathe in. I can’t seem to stay a flow away from my emotions. Why did I have to wake up? Why did I have to wake up