[Title: I Do What I Want]
(Verse 1)
(Music is quiet, just a piano or synth)
You just turned 16 on Saturday
Got OSS on a Friday, right before your birthday
(Ad-lib: The second one this year...)
Then I find the weed... two days later
You're smoking in my house
(Ad-lib: In my home!)
You say it's 'cause you're hurtin'
And you're tryin' to get it out.
(Chorus)
'Cause you're hiding...
You say you're hiding from the "self harm"
(Ad-lib: God, no...)
That the smoke is a "quick fix" that quiets the alarm
But you're my oldest son, my Ryan
And you're playing with a loaded gun
You're hiding...
From the man you're s'posed to become.
(Verse 2)
(Music gets quiet, pulsing, anxious)
You say you "wanna do what you want"
You "wanna smoke your weed"
But you're 16, and you can't even go to practice without me
This whole blow-up...
Was 'cause you got lost for 40 minutes
You ran past the building, you were gone
(Ad-lib: I thought you were in there...)
You didn't have the courage to ask anyone
You just... panicked.
That's the "quick fix"... isn't it?
You're not smoking to be a rebel...
You're smoking 'cause you're scared.
(Bridge)
(Music drops, becomes intense and painful)
I looked you in the eyes and I said...
"You know your family history"
(Ad-lib: "My side and your Dad's...")
"You know about the schizophrenia"
"And what this smoke can do!"
"You're off your focus meds, for your ADHD"
"You dropped your mood support, you're not listening to me!"
(Ad-lib: "For two years!")
"I told you, 'Protect your brain like treasure!'"
"It's the only one you get!"
"But you're 'quick fix'-ing your moods...
...with a game of Russian Roulette!"
(Final Chorus)
(Music explodes, full of pain)
Yeah, you're hiding!
You're hiding from the "self harm"!
You're hiding from "the blood"!
But you can't hide from me!
You're my oldest son, my Ryan
And I know why you're playin' with this gun!
You're hiding!
(Outro)
(Music is HUGE, anthemic, vocals are a yell)
You're hiding from God!
You're hiding from church!
You got baptized this year, and you left Him in the lurch!
And you got the nerve to quote me...
"You dont care"
"You just go to church like nothing is wrong!"
(Ad-lib: How can you say that?!)
I'm at church 'cause I'm fighting!
I'm at church 'cause I'm strong!
But you'd rather "do what you want"...
(Music cuts)
...than be the man I'm praying for.
Eyepiercinglove
