Verse 1
She calls me on a Sunday night
Says, “You sound happy, I can hear it in your life”
I’m on my bed with the lights down low
Staring at a ceiling she’ll never know
I say, “Yeah, I’ve been going out”
Drop a couple names, laugh it out loud
She says, “I knew you’d find your place”
I bite my tongue, I hold my face
Pre-Chorus
There’s a version of me she gets to keep
And the truth I tuck in while she sleeps
Chorus
So I won’t tell mom I’m not okay
That I still feel lost most every day
She thinks I finally found my people
But I’m still walking home alone at night
Smiling like everything’s alright
I couldn’t stand to see it in her eyes
If she knew I’m still trying to survive
So I lie, I lie, I lie
And say I’m doing fine
Verse 2
She asks if I’ve been eating good
If I’m taking care like I said I would
Says, “I’m so proud of who you are”
I let it land, but it feels too far
I tell her stories that almost fit
Little half-truths I can live with
Like “Yeah, I’ve got friends, they’re really sweet”
Just don’t ask how often we actually meet
Pre-Chorus
I paint a life in softer lines
So she can sleep better at night
Chorus
So I won’t tell mom I’m not okay
That I still feel small in every way
She thinks I finally found my people
But I’m still the girl who fades to the side
Laughing just to pass the time
I couldn’t bear to watch her break
Over a weight she can’t take
So I lie, I lie, I lie
And say I’m doing fine
Bridge
If I told her the quiet truth
That the room still empties me out
That I sit in crowds and feel removed
That I’m still full of doubt
She’d say, “Come home, we’ll figure it out”
And I might, but I’m scared to prove
That leaving didn’t fix a thing
That I’m still the same girl she knew
Breakdown (soft)
So I keep my voice light on the phone
Like I’ve built a life of my own
Even if it’s just for her
I’ll make it sound like I’m sure
Final Chorus
So I won’t tell mom I’m not okay
I’ll say, “I love it here, I’m here to stay”
She’ll think I finally found my people
And maybe one day that’ll be true
But tonight I just miss you
And I don’t wanna make you sad
After everything you’ve had
So I lie, I lie, I lie
And say I’m doing fine
Outro
“Love you,” hangs there on the line
She says, “I’m glad you’re doing fine”
I close my eyes, I let it be
The girl she thinks I am… isn’t me.**
