The Calm I Never Paid For

Verse 1

I borrowed calm from a stranger’s smile

Spent it fast just to feel alive

Every promise I wrote in pencil

Left an eraser in my spine

I kept the change from better days

In the pockets of my doubt

If peace is something you can lose

I already mapped the route

Pre-Hook

I do not steal from others

I take from who I was

Hook

I borrowed peace and never returned it

Left it out where the cold could learn it

Every prayer I folded in half

Came back heavier than that

I thought quiet was a place to hide

But it is just where the truth survives

I borrowed peace and never returned it

Now I pay in ways I never learned yet

Verse 2

I made a home out of half-goodbyes

Called it loyalty when it was fear

I trusted storms more than daylight

Because damage feels sincere

I rent my strength to future plans

Then cancel them when I am alone

I keep receipts from conversations

I never had with anyone

Pre-Hook

I do not fear forgiveness

I fear what it uncovers

Hook

I borrowed peace and never returned it

Told myself I did not deserve it

Every silence I tried to ignore

Put fingerprints on my doors

I blamed the night for how I live

Like darkness chose what I did

I borrowed peace and never returned it

Now I speak in unfinished sentences

Bridge

If mercy was a currency

I would be bankrupt twice

Every calm I ever touched

I trained myself to sacrifice

Do not call this self-defense

It is a habit wearing grace

I am not running from my past

I am racing it in place

Final Hook

I borrowed peace and never returned it

Carried guilt like a broken permit

Every good thing I left behind

Still clocks me when I close my eyes

I do not want a cleaner start

I want to pay what it cost my heart

I borrowed peace and never returned it

And I am done pretending I do not know where I spent it