Down the drain

Four months sober, now I’m staring at the floor

Bottle in my hand like I’ve been here before

Said I wouldn’t break, but I’m breaking some more

Swore I found peace, guess I lied at the core

Friends say, “Don’t let it win”

But they don’t know the war within

I tried to be strong, I tried to be sane

But that voice in my head, it don’t feel the same

Four months sober, down the drain

But I don’t even care anymore, is that insane?

Lost my way in a cloud of pain

And the only thing I feel is the fall like rain

Tell me, am I broken or just brave?

Is it weakness or just the price I pay?

Four months sober, down the drain

But I don’t even care anymore—guess I’m the one to blame

Tried church, tried pills, tried sleep, tried fate

But nothing ever quiets all the noise I hate

Everyone’s proud, but I just pretend

‘Cause healing’s just a story that I play to the end

They don’t see the nights I cry

The mirror lies, and so do I

I light one up just to feel again

It’s a messed-up kind of medicine

Four months sober, down the drain

But I don’t even care anymore, is that insane?

I was clean, I was holding on

Now I’m back where I swore I’d never belong

Is it failure, or just fate?

Guess I broke what I couldn’t recreate

Four months sober, down the drain

But I don’t even care anymore—maybe I like the pain

Don’t call me a quitter, don’t call me a shame

I’m just someone who’s lost in their own damn name

Maybe one day I’ll climb back again

But tonight I’m just numb, and I call that a win

Four months sober, down the drain

But I don’t even care anymore, is that insane?

This ain’t the end, but it sure feels close

And the hardest part is no one knows

I’m still breathing, that’s my grace

Even if I fell from a higher place

Four months sober, down the drain

But I don’t even care anymore—and that’s my pain