Thorn 2

Why can't you make this easier What do you even want from me I really thought we were over this But there it is again

This thorn in my side Still as prickly as ever I've been running past you Pretending you're not there

So this time I turn and look Ask you — what's up And immediately it starts Same old story, same old wound Round and round we go

Little fucker

Someone inside me says Can't we just surrender Didn't we already settle this All of me said yes Integration or bust

But surrender doesn't mean disappear A thorn unexamined cuts deeper You can't avoid the pain For fear of falling in You need your anchor Something that holds While you finally look

The pain is real You can't just declare yourself finished Can't command it to dissolve Because you read the right books

Pain doesn't leave Because you've become spiritual It leaves because it was finally Finally allowed to exist

A knot behind the sternum A fist you forgot you were making All the tears you were too brave to cry All the oceans you were too hopeful To admit were inside

That's energy And energy doesn't disappear Just because you'd rather not feel it It lodges It waits

But surrender doesn't mean disappear A thorn unexamined cuts deeper You can't avoid the pain For fear of falling in You need your anchor Something that holds While you finally look

Eventually you have to feel it And yes — it can hurt like hell But it moves

(pause)

Surrender is not a passive verb It's the bravest thing

You turn You face it You let it pierce the story That you were over it

And surrender doesn't mean disappear The thorn has finally lost its job Not because you defeated it Because you listenedYou listened You held steady And you looked

Little fucker Thank you

I'm listening now