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I smoke in the dark, it breaks my heart, cause i can

See just how far i am from the things that i had.

John’d bring the picnic, and I’d push the girls on a swing

2 little ones laughing and crying with the whol world in front of me.

I feel about the same age

But we don't have the same Saturdays

Did I miss it? By now, is it

A lucid dream? Is it my fault

For chasing things a body clock

Doesn't wait for? I did the damn mommy thing

It's what I wanted, what I got

I spun around and then I stopped

And wonder if I missed the mark

So, I smoke in the dark, hearin dogs bark, and I

I wish i’d vape, hallucinate a nursery with duckies and bears

They lay on a blanket, and God damn it, I love her

Im afraid of this freedom, because I spent my life just being a mother.

But the world and my friends say I'm on the right road

So I refill my Lexapro, thinking

Did I miss it? By now, is it A lucid dream? Is it my fault

For forgetting to chase the things I’d dreamed of

The world doesnt wait.

I did the damn mommy tour

It's what I wanted, what I got

I spun around and then I stopped

And wonder if I missed the mark

So, I sit in dark, comparing benchmarks

My friends due in March the last graduations in may