Pressed Hold it

What does he want?

Strength!

For what?

Suppression.

Kept a brick on my chest for a decade

Told myself “it’s fine,” it’s just dead weight

Smile on my face like a duct-taped bandage

Heart in a cage in the back of the attic

Bite my tongue till it tastes like iron

“Handle it alone” was the lie I admired

Every bad dream I just filed, archived it

Till the box in my ribcage started sparking

I suppressed it for too long

Built a dam inside my lungs

Now the cracks run wide, I can’t stay strong

I’ve been choking on my own

Hold it, hold it. Still feel pain

Hold it, hold it. am I still sane?

Hold it, hold it, am I smiling again?

Hold it,hold it!

Walkin’ round town like a closed-off crime scene

Past pain taped off, can’t cross my mind, please

Laugh too loud, play the class clown daily

Anything to keep the real me safely

Underneath jokes, man, the nights got violent

Not with fists, just the volume of the silence

Hands on my face in the bathroom mirror

Mouth say “fine,” but the eyes say “fear here”

I suppressed it for too long

Built a dam inside my lungs

Now the cracks run wide, I can’t stay strong

I’ve been choking on my own

Hold it, hold it. Still feel pain

Hold it, hold it. am I still sane?

Hold it, hold it. am I smiling again?

Hold it, hold it!........ Did I fail?

Met him on a bench by the late-night station

Old brown coat, eyes full of patience

He said, “Kid, you’re loud in your silence

You can drown in that quiet, or riot”

I laughed it off, but my voice was shaking

He said, “Name one hurt that you’re always faking”

So I said one word, then another came pouring

Next thing, it’s a storm, heavy rain, no warning

He just sat, didn’t flinch, didn’t fix it

Just held space while my whole world shifted

“Feel it,” he said, “or it lives there forever

You’re not weak, you’re just weathered, you’re weather”

Hold it hold it, Still feel pain

Hold it hold it, am I still sane?

Hold it hold it, am I smiling again?

Hold it hold it!.... Did I fail?

I suppressed it for too long

Built a dam inside my lungs

Now the walls gave way, I’m not that strong

But I don’t have to bleed alone

’Cause a stranger at the floodgates said, “let it go”

Now my tears hit the ground like a drumroll

I’m screaming out the truth I’ve never shown

(yeah, I’m letting go)

(yeah, I’m letting go)

Let go, let go. Still feel pain

Let go, let go. I'm still sane

Let go, let go. Will I smile again?

Let go, let go.........

The stranger place his hand on my shoulder, in support of my cries

'Don't worry, get up' he said. I'll guide through it all where freedom lies.

Welcome to the start of salvation!