Intro]
I been walking like a ghost inside my own apartment
I don’t talk to anyone - I don’t want involvement
I don’t know what happiness is, I think I lost it
and I don’t know if anybody’s noticed I’m exhausted…
[Verse 1]
I’m the punchline when I tell ’em that I’m hurting deep
they say “pray on it,” like God gon’ text me in my sleep
I wish emotions had a manual so I could read
how to escape this feeling of choking while I breathe
I’m addicted to regret like it’s a habit I can’t kick
I’m trapped inside a mind that wants to split me like a wishbone stick
I write pages full of pain but nobody’s listening
they just scroll like “he’s dramatic,” then they laugh and keep on giggling
Eminem taught me how to bleed ink into a notebook
Hopsin taught me how to fight demons when the soul shook
but even both of them combined can’t fix this broke look
in the mirror staring at me like an abandoned old book
[Chorus]
I don’t wanna die…
but I don’t wanna live like this either
it feels like every time I pull myself up
I just fall back deeper
I’m yelling but nobody hears me
I’m fading like a signal through the speakers
I swear I don’t wanna die
I just wanna feel alive again, even if it’s weaker…
[Verse 2]
I got suicide drafts in my notes I never send
I got trauma stitched into every childhood memory that bends
I got people who assume that I’m fine because I grin
but I been dying undercover like a spy inside my skin
I’m a sad punchline in a world full of comedians
a poet who can’t talk ’cause his soul is full of obsidian
I’m hollow in the chest like a missing piece of circuitry
glitches in my brain like the devil keeps murdering me
my confidence is missing like a file in a corrupt drive
every effort that I make is just proof I ain’t enough live
so tell me why I’m forced to fight a war I never picked
tell me why my heart is heavy like an anchor from a ship
[Chorus]
I don’t wanna die…
but I don’t wanna live like this either
it feels like every time I pull myself up
I just fall back deeper
I’m yelling but nobody hears me
I’m fading like a signal through the speakers
I swear I don’t wanna die
I just wanna feel alive again, even if it’s weaker…
[Outro]
this isn’t a cry for attention
this is a cry because I can’t speak
this is the truth I never mention
when everybody asks why I’m so weak
I’m just a damaged human being
begging to find one person who won’t leave…