The Roast of Zachary Earl Bear

Yo, Zachary Earl Bear thought he was Rambo, jumpin’ on a deer’s back

Knife in hand, got bucked off, your ass hit the ground real fast

Thought you’d show up Dillen, roof jumpin’ like a king

But when your lil’ bro shows you up, man, it’s a sad thing

You drank too much, took the plunge, now your ego’s feelin’ smashed

Hit the pool, hit the truth — your glory days, they fuckin’ dashed

Zach Bear, Lord of the Failures,

L O T R

geekin’ strong

C I A hacks, church van licks, man, you been wildin’ long

From ice rink games to Spanish shame, your legend’s gonna last

But that glistening hand under the blanket, man, that’s the ultimate blast

Zach Bear, you ain’t no hero, but this roast? It’s a killer

You’re a legend in your mind,

but…

…here?

You’re Just a vanilla ass bitch ass punk ass bitch

Remember that time at Bible Quiz, you licked the church van?

Went ‘round it like a fuckin’ maniac, one lick span

Talkin’ big, but bro, you ain’t slick, the girl’s ice skate hit your lens

You made her feel guilty, like it wasn’t your thirst to make amends

And those Spanish teachers? Dude, that’s fuckin’ lame.

You think it’s flexin’—nah, it’s just a sad ass game

Zach Bear, Lord

…of

…the

…Failures,

L O T R

geekin’ strong

C I A hacks, church van licks, man, you been wildin’ long

From ice rink games to Spanish shame, your legend’s gonna last

But that glistening hand under the blanket, man, that’s the ultimate blast

Zach Bear, you ain’t no hero, but this roast? It’s a killer

You’re a legend in your mind,

but…

…here?

You’re Just a vanilla ass bitch ass punk ass bitch

You livin’ with me was like a sitcom scene, fights goin’ down

Pushed your car out the drive, burn marks all up on that sidewalk

Parking brake on, but no brakes in life, man

Black marks on the sidewalk like your plans

Allyson’s man face? Yeah you wanted it bad.

Everything you touch, Earl, ends up like this jam — busted. and. slammed

L O T R

geek for life, Zachary Earl Bear ain’t no king

But this roast’s your crown, now wear it and sing

You’re a wild one, for sure, but bruh, I gotta say

From deer dives to roof jumps, man, you just stray

L O T R

geek for life, Zachary Earl Bear yeah you ain’t no king

Suck my balls bitch!

Peace Out!