[Verse 1]
Yo, Zachary Earl Bear thought he was Rambo, jumpin’ on a deer’s back
Knife in hand, got bucked off, your ass hit the ground real fast
Thought you’d show up Dillen, roof jumpin’ like a king
But when your lil’ bro shows you up, man, it’s a sad thing
You drank too much, took the plunge, now your ego’s feelin’ smashed
Hit the pool, hit the truth — your glory days, they fuckin’ dashed
[Chorus]
Zach Bear, Lord of the Failures,
L O T R
geekin’ strong
C I A hacks, church van licks, man, you been wildin’ long
From ice rink games to Spanish shame, your legend’s gonna last
But that glistening hand under the blanket, man, that’s the ultimate blast
Zach Bear, you ain’t no hero, but this roast? It’s a killer
You’re a legend in your mind,
but…
…here?
You’re Just a vanilla ass bitch ass punk ass bitch
[Verse 2]
Remember that time at Bible Quiz, you licked the church van?
Went ‘round it like a fuckin’ maniac, one lick span
Talkin’ big, but bro, you ain’t slick, the girl’s ice skate hit your lens
You made her feel guilty, like it wasn’t your thirst to make amends
And those Spanish teachers? Dude, that’s fuckin’ lame.
You think it’s flexin’—nah, it’s just a sad ass game
[Chorus]
Zach Bear, Lord
…of
…the
…Failures,
L O T R
geekin’ strong
C I A hacks, church van licks, man, you been wildin’ long
From ice rink games to Spanish shame, your legend’s gonna last
But that glistening hand under the blanket, man, that’s the ultimate blast
Zach Bear, you ain’t no hero, but this roast? It’s a killer
You’re a legend in your mind,
but…
…here?
You’re Just a vanilla ass bitch ass punk ass bitch
[Ending]
You livin’ with me was like a sitcom scene, fights goin’ down
Pushed your car out the drive, burn marks all up on that sidewalk
Parking brake on, but no brakes in life, man
Black marks on the sidewalk like your plans
Allyson’s man face? Yeah you wanted it bad.
Everything you touch, Earl, ends up like this jam — busted. and. slammed
L O T R
geek for life, Zachary Earl Bear ain’t no king
But this roast’s your crown, now wear it and sing
You’re a wild one, for sure, but bruh, I gotta say
From deer dives to roof jumps, man, you just stray
L O T R
geek for life, Zachary Earl Bear yeah you ain’t no king
Suck my balls bitch!
Peace Out!
[mic drop]