Half-hearted halo

I wake up with a mouth like a war zone

Swear I dreamed about the end again

Ashtray full of burnt ends

And a phone full of texts I’ll never send

I trade therapy for another vice

And call it "just getting through the week"

A pack of smokes, and bottles of hope

I'm just trying to cope...

Yeah, I laugh too loud to hide the shakes

Say I’m “just tired” when I'm really about to break

Under the weight of staying sane

A mess is what I became...

I built a church out of bad habits,

Lit candles with my guilt.

Preaching sermons to the ceiling fan

In a room I never rebuilt

I wear my trauma like an old jacket

Frayed, patched up, but still intact

Half-hearted halo on my head,

I keep moving because at least I'm not dead

I keep my meds in nicotine

Next to a rope that's eyeing me

Stumble past people living better lives

And pretend I'm not gonna crash

I lie to friends because they don't need to know

“Yeah, I’ve been fine, just laying low”

But my minds tattooed with trauma,

And I'm tired of the drama.

Yeah, I laugh too loud to hide the shakes

Say I’m “just tired” when I'm really about to break

Under the weight of staying sane

A mess is what I became...

I built a church out of bad habits,

Lit candles with my guilt.

Preaching sermons to the ceiling fan

In a room I never rebuilt

I wear my trauma like an old jacket

Frayed, patched up, but still intact

Half-hearted halo on my head,

I keep moving because at least I'm not dead

I swear I tried the clean way

I tried the prayers, the pills, the breaks

But the silence always screams the loudest

When you’re alone with your mistakes

So I stitch myself together

With caffeine, rage, and it shows

It’s not the fix the books all preach

But it’s the only way I know

Yeah, I laugh too loud to hide the shakes

Say I’m “just tired” when I'm really about to break

Under the weight of staying sane

A mess is what I became...

I built a church out of bad habits,

Lit candles with my guilt.

Preaching sermons to the ceiling fan

In a room I never rebuilt

I wear my trauma like an old jacket

Frayed, patched up, but still intact

Half-hearted halo on my head,

I keep moving because at least I'm not dead