My life

Life's been hard for me

I've been going through shit since I was barely three

Nothin I will ever do will take the memories away I'll never know why

Blonde hair and piercing blue eyes

It was like every where I went id wake up from being touched by some guy

And it makes me sick

With all the women in the world

Why would a grown man choose to grow another man's little girl

Shit, from my first day of school I never fit in

Didn't only matter that I was shy nobody wanted to be the quite girls friend

So I grew up expressing my self through my art

Helped me let out emotions cus to tell someone I didn't know where to start

I was always a nerd until about 8th grade

I made friends with just one girl and that shit changed my world.

Started smokin weed and getting drunk on every weekend

Sneaking out of windows praying my mom wouldn't put it all to an end

Till one day she did and moved me out of the city

Dropped me off and said say goodbye to your friends

She said if she didn't do something now who knows what deep shit I could get myself in

Everything you do is considered a sin

And for that day on I had to start my life all over

All my life I've seen nothing but loss and pain

So many years I wish I could have the chance to I've through it again

People say pain makes us stronger but sometimes it's hard to tell

Cus the moments of strength are only hiding the struggle I have with mental health

Just going day by day steady trying to find ways to be well

My minds my jail cell

Listen

I moved to Texas when I was 14

And no school and no kids back home was ever quite as mean

As these southern teens

I started thinking of ways I could end my life

But all I've ever wanted was to one day become a mom and a wife

So I held on

But no one knew how hard it was

I never spoke about the abuse because the abuse was enough

Too scared that if I talked somebody would get hurt

But I couldn't always hide all the bruises covering it up with makeup that never really worked

I always hated how far away my dad chose to live

It hurts me still all the times I had to leave and seeing the pain on him

I couldn't win

Ten years old I had to live with my aunt

She had a man who abused me and she just let it happen

She was always so tough so it was hard or me to understand

Forced to take baths with no hot water

It was like needles going through my skin

I cried out and begged for just a little but he hated that I wasn't my aunt's own daughter

Fell asleep in their closet every night alone

Tears falling down my face wishin I could home

I just wanted to tell my parents he was beating me

But I couldn't talk alone when anybody tried to call me on the phone

Thank God my dad felt something wasn't right

He called my mom and she came to Colorado that very next night

Still today no matter where I go

Maybe to be accepted is something I wasn't meant to ever know

Still looking for true love

But if I ever find it Id probably never even know