feel I keep myself shut a's hard to talk about how Iway inside because I don't want to upset anybody around me my children my fiance it's hard to talk about something that is so extreme and something nobody thinks they are ever going to experience sometimes I'll wait until I'm on my own so I can have the faults in my head and find a solution how to deal with them I'll be lying before say my brain is always thinking about the future because sometimes I do see the future but what is the future of the future was to be happy I don't know what it is with my life but sometimes everything is going so good and so fantastic I just sit there sometimes and think please don't miss this up people always think negative things about me and the way I was back in the day it's hard for people to believe me when there is so many people saying the same thing when you lose someone who meant so much to you who is your blood someone knew help bring into this world someone that you did an awful lot with it is hard to talk to people that's not everybody understands how you feel inside what your thinking how you're feeling what to do next how to deal with it but when you have that somebody in your life who support you loves you and treat you so well but you just don't know how to take that all in as I feel sometimes a burden on someone that I lost speaking to her was just going to upset her which I've done one to do that's why I keep my Forbes to myself because nobody will know how it feels to feel how I feel on a day-to-day basis my fiance my children my step children keep me going I should be sitting here saying to myself there are people out there who would love what I have an I understand that but when you lose a friend it's not the same as losing a child especially when it comes to your own child something you read in the newspaper you watch watch on the telly but when it happens in real life when it happens to you that's when you know it's real but you don't know how to deal with it when you receive that phone call it is like somebody as press pause for about 20 minutes but it feels like alternative then you wake up and suddenly realise it is real but hopefully sooner or later I will be myself again and I will be able to explain speak and be honest how I'm feeling inside all I want to do is to make a proud to make my fiance and my children proud get some Justice for my daughter Leah Leah I wasn't there to talk to you I didn't know what you were going through if I did I would have been there to save you but all I can do now is get the Justice that you rightly deserve as I know all you want it is to be heard and listen to and be understood as your father I understood you accepted you listen to you and gave you the advice that I knew that would help you I know you felt trapped and didn't know who determ to who to trust but in guarantee you now you could have always trust me no matter what Justice for Leah Bish
