Untitled

Kieran got a job at Super Clean,
Said he’d make the carpets shine and gleam,
Turned up late with a Monster in his hand,
Said, “Trust me mate, I’m the best in the land.”

But the stains stayed right where they had been,
And the lounge looked worse than it did at the begin’,
Customer stared like, “What d’you mean?”
“You call that work from Super Clean?”

Chorus
Oh Kieran at Super Clean, what have you done?
Carpet’s dirtier now than when you begun,
Water everywhere, it’s a soggy scene,
Feels like walking on grass after rain, not clean.
If you’d drank less Red Bull, less Monster caffeine,
Maybe things would’ve gone a bit less extreme,
But the legend goes round every street unseen —
Don’t book Kieran… from Super Clean.

Verse 2
He fired up the machine with a confident grin,
Sucked up half the rug and sprayed it again,
Left it ringing wet from wall to wall,
You could hear your footsteps squelch in the hall.

Then he asked for the loo before he’d go,
Customer said, “Yeah mate, down the hall below,”
But when they checked it after he’d been—
Well… that wasn’t part of the cleaning routine.

Chorus
Oh Kieran at Super Clean, what have you done?
Carpet’s dirtier now than when you begun,
Water everywhere, it’s a soggy scene,
Feels like walking on grass after rain, not clean.
If you’d drank less Red Bull, less Monster caffeine,
Maybe things would’ve gone a bit less extreme,
Now the neighbours laugh and the story’s routine —
About Kieran… from Super Clean.

Bridge
Bucket tipped, hose tangled round his boot,
Face still dirty though he’s wearing the suit,
Says, “Don’t worry mate, it’ll dry by June,”
While the carpet sloshes like a monsoon.

Final Chorus
Oh Kieran at Super Clean, what have you done?
Turned a tidy house to a waterpark run,
Every carpet soaked, every cushion mean,
And the lounge feels like a swampy green.
Next time they call for a cleaning machine,
They’ll remember the tale in between —
The man, the myth, the soggy routine…
Kieran… from Super Clean.

Irish folk