Killing Time

I woke up to static and windshield rain

Last night’s receipt still stuck to my face

It said “half off at the pharmacy”

And something about saving grace

I stepped over flyers and burnt cigarettes

The kind that collect when the gutters forget

I thought of her laugh and lit up a clove

Just to fill up the space in my chest

And pretend I was doing my best

But the truth is we don’t get saved

Not by good, not by work, not by love, not by rage

And I’m just a ghost on a minimum wage

With her name carved deep in my spine

Now I spend most my days killing time

⸻

A man on the corner was preaching in code

He said “The water is rising — repent or just float”

I gave him a nod and a couple of dimes

Just to feel like I still had a vote

A kid in a Tesla blew through the light

I flinched out of habit, then laughed at the sight

Of a plastic bouquet on the side of the road

For someone who ran from a fight

But the petals were still holding on tight

And the truth is we don’t get signs

Just reruns and breakdowns and interest in fines

And I wear my regret like a thrift-store disguise

That I hang back up every night

Then I sleep through the morning light

⸻

She wrote me a letter and taped it closed

With a gas bill, a drawing, and words in code

Said, “I love you but not in the way that you want”

I admired her style and the way that she cut

I folded it twice and I buried it deep

In the couch where I drink and pretend I can sleep

If forgetting’s a gift, then I’m still in the mail

Marked fragile and probably lost

And the stamp’s from a time I could trust

But the truth is we don’t get what we need

We just make peace with the rust and stay down in the weeds

And the hope that tomorrow might change if we bleed

Its enough just to get through the climb

Then it’s back to waiting in line