God take Control

12:01 and the year turned cold, I-49 was a sheet of black glass

Hunter breathing soft in the back, my whole world in a five-point harness

I was drowning in last year’s failures, whispering “I’m not enough” like a curse

Didn’t see the ice, only felt the spin, felt the end coming fast

Saw his first heartbeat on a screen, saw his last breath in my head

A scream ripped out of me that wasn’t human

I let go of the wheel and clawed at heaven with bloody, empty hands

Your call at 12:03 shattered me, “Baby we’re alive but we almost weren’t”

I left the rig running in the yard, hit the highway doing a hundred and ten

Praying louder than the engine, bargaining with God for miles

Found you on the shoulder, hazards blinking like a heartbeat about to flatline

You collapsed into me, soaking my shirt with tears and melted ice

I held what was left of us and felt my own walls collapse

Mama: I can’t, I can’t, I can’t do this anymore

Daddy: I’m failing, I’m failing, I’m losing everything

God, TAKE CONTROL OF OUR LIVES!

We’re broken open, bleeding out on this frozen road

We almost killed our son tonight with our pride and our pretending

We’re letting go, we’re begging, we’re dying here

Catch Hunter, catch us, we’re slipping through our own fingers

We’re on our knees on the side of I-49

GOD, TAKE CONTROL OF OUR LIVES!

I smile at his birthday parties while I’m dying inside

I sing him to sleep when I can’t even save myself

I’m terrified every goodbye kiss is the last one

I work till I’m numb so I don’t have to feel how far I’ve drifted

I kiss you both goodnight with whiskey on my breath and guilt in my chest

I’m terrified he’ll grow up and never know his daddy’s heart

We’ve been ghosts in our own home

Two terrified kids raising a miracle we don’t deserve

We’re done, we’re done, we’re done trying to steer this alone

Take our marriage, take our fears, take our shame, take our son

Take every shard we’ve become

We’re laying it all down in the ice and the dark

GOD, TAKE CONTROL OF OUR LIVES!

These hands are trembling, stained, and have never been enough

We can’t keep Hunter alive one more second without You

We’re falling apart, we’re screaming Your name into the night

Let this be the moment we die to ourselves

Hold our baby when we’re shaking, love him when we fail

Hold what’s barely left of us

From this wrecked and bleeding road we’re on

GOD, TAKE CONTROL OF OUR LIVES!

Mama: He’s only two, God, he still thinks I’m a superhero!

Daddy: I almost made him an orphan tonight!

Mama: Don’t let him grow up with a mother who’s already dead inside!

Daddy: Don’t let him grow up without a father who knows how to kneel!

Both, screami

Both, screaming: WE SURRENDER! WE SURRENDER EVERYTHING! DO YOU HEAR US?

TAKE IT ALL, WE CAN’T CARRY IT ANYMORE!

God… take control of our lives

We’re on our faces in the gravel and the ice

We have nothing left but this ragged, bleeding yes

Hold Hunter close every single breath You give us

Carry him when we collapse, carry us when we fail

This is our death-and-resurrection moment at 12:47 on New Year’s Day

We are Yours

Completely broken

Completely Yours

God… take control of our lives

Take it… take us… we were never strong enough anyway.

It’s Yours, Lord.

All of it.

Hunter.

Us.

Everything.

Take it.