Seventeen

Seventeen, carrying storms behind my eyes, smiling through the questions, hiding all the sleepless nights, the world kept spinning faster than my heart could understand, I was trying to hold together pieces slipping through my hands.

I lost a future I had whispered to the dark, a tiny dream that disappeared and left a permanent mark, every mirror showed a stranger looking back at me, someone drowning in the weight of who she used to be,

The fear lived in my shadow, every step, every breath, I was fighting just to make it through the silence in my head.

I was screaming where nobody could hear, breaking down while pretending I was here, anger in my veins, tears I couldn’t hide, trying to survive the battles in my mind,

They don’t know the nights I thought I’d never the see the dawn, the strength it took to keep on carrying on, I’m still bruised by the memories I can’t outrun, but the light is getting closer, and im not done.

There were days I felt trapped inside a moment frozen still, memories would find me when I thought I’d started to heal, the panic and the nightmares kept returning like a wave, and I hated how the past could make me feel afraid.

The stress was like a siren that was ringing in my chest, depression kept on telling me I’d never be my best, but somewhere in the wreckage of the person I once knew, I found a spark reminding me that I could make it through.

Now the fear still sits beside me,

But it doesn’t steer the wheel,

And the scars that I carry prove that every wound can heal.

I was screaming where nobody could hear, breaking down while pretending I was here, anger in my veins, tears I couldn’t hide, trying to survive the battles in my mind.

They don’t know the nights I thought I’d never see the dawn the strength it took to keep on carrying on, I’m still bruised by the memories I can’t outrun, but the light is getting closer and I’m not done.

I’m not saying that it’s easy,

I’m not saying that I’m free,

Somedays ghosts still find me in the space inbetween.

But I’ve learned that being broken isn’t all that I can be, there’s a future waiting for me, and I’m finally starting to see.

I was screaming now I’m learning how to speak, finding power in the parts they called weak, the road is still long, and I still have days I fall, but I get back up and answer every call.

The battles aren’t over but they’re not all I am, there’s hope inside these hands, and a life I never planned.

Seventeen still healing,

Still becoming who I’ll be,

And for the first time in forever I believe in me.