Ain’t Nothin’ Queer ‘Bout a Beer with the Boys

I got a lifted truck, with a rainbow flag… bumper sticker

I wrestle shirtless with my buddies, we just bond a little quicker

I got a soft spot for George Strait… and George Clooney’s face

But that don’t mean a thing, I still win the chili cookoff race

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I ain’t gay, I just like musicals and skincare

Ain’t queer, I just cuddle with the guys at the county fair

I two-step with Tyler, ‘cause he leads real smooth

But I’m strictly straight, just admirin’ the groove

So don’t get confused if my boots sparkle bright—

I ain’t gay, I just do gay things right

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I went to pride to support my cousin Dan

Left with glitter in my beard and a tan from a leather-clad man

Yeah, I joined a yoga class ‘cause the vibes felt serene

Now I own more leggings than my ex, Jolene

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I ain’t gay, I just brunch with Chad and Ray

Mimosas flowin’ while we gossip the pain away

Yeah, I watch Drag Race but it’s just for the drama

And I only cried twice during Call Me By Your Name, I promise

I got strong wrists but a straighter heart—

I ain’t gay, just got some flamboyant parts

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So if I compliment your outfit, don’t go gettin’ nervous

It’s not flirtin’, it’s just Southern hospitality service

And if my playlist’s full of Cher, don’t you dare

Judge a cowboy by the rhinestones he wears

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I ain’t gay, just a cowboy with flair

Ain’t queer, just got highlights in my hair

Yeah I kissed a guy once, it was just on a dare

Or maybe twice… but the lighting wasn’t fair

So tip your hat, and don’t mistake my tight jeans for signs—

I ain’t gay, I just cross a few lines

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Now excuse me while I go line-dance…

To Lady Gaga.