If I let go

I’m learning how to say your name

Like it don’t echo in my chest

Like it don’t pull me back again

To everything we never left

I met someone with kinder hands

No storms behind the way they speak

But loving them feels like I’m lying

To a heart that’s still on you and me. I’m unlearning all your shadows

The way I shrank to fit your storms

Trying on a life without you

But it don’t feel like home. I’m moving on, but I’m not ready

Still got your voice inside my head

I’m building all the dreams you told me

Just without you in my bed

I go to school, I chase the future

You said we’d have when we were young

But every step I take without you

Feels like something’s come undone

I’m holding on, I should let go

But I don’t know if I can

‘Cause if I let go of forever

It’ll never be us again. Your dog still sleeps on your side

I never moved his favorite place

He looks for you in every doorway

And I swear I do the same

You text me like it’s nothing changed

Like we’re still somewhere in between

I never send the first “hello”

But I answer every time you reach. I tell myself I’m getting stronger

I’m someone you would never know

But every little update I post

I hope somehow it shows. I’m moving on, but I’m not ready

Still got your ghost inside my skin

I’m learning love without the chaos

But I don’t know where to begin

I’m chasing all the things we dreamed of

Every city, every plan

But it don’t feel like what we wanted

If you’re not there holding my hand

I’m holding on, I should let go

But I don’t know if I can

‘Cause if I let go of forever

It’ll never be us again. And maybe one day you’ll see me

Different than I used to be

Not the girl who broke in silence

Not the one you couldn’t keep

Maybe we were just a lesson

Or a love that came too soon

But I still write you in my future

Even when I shouldn’t do. I’m moving on, but I’m not ready

Still got your name in every plan

I found someone who treats me better

But I still compare their hands

I’m building everything without you

But it’s everything we said

And I don’t know if I’m healing

Or just learning how to pretend

I’m holding on, I should let go

But I don’t know if I can

‘Cause if I let go of forever…

It’ll never be us again. So I’ll keep going like I mean it

Even if my heart won’t mend

Learning how to live without you

While still loving you…

Just a little less again