Tired of all the pain I've given myself, tired of all the lame excuses I've made for myself. Tired of procrastinating the important shit, But I can't seem to motivate myself. Tired of the frustration I make for myself. Tired of contemplating tired of wishing for help. The way I've been acting, now i hate myself. I swear to God that this ain't myself this has to be someone else. I've let the old me go. Taken over by Alter Egos, shaped by other people and now my problem is I can't care anymore. When I look in the mirror I don't know who's there anymore, it's not the inner me the inner child who had dreams and Fantasies. Somewhere along the way I neglected the death of who I'm supposed to be. I took his life away, my mama's baby boy, no one would notice if I replaced him with a cheap toy.I can't stop regretting things I've done. The decisions I've made. If I had a choice I'd rewind time and tell myself that I'll be fine if you don't let Pussy Control you, it will consume you. Preventing you from growing into the real you.It'll rip your friends away from you and convince you that friends they never were it'll confine you to her own little lair. she'll smother you start stealing your air. Only for you to find out that in the end she never cared. Quit giving away pieces of yourself eventually You'll end up a hollow bastardization of yourself. I underestimated the importance of loving yourself. If you don't you will create hell for yourself. it was hard for me to tell the difference between love and lust. Lost myself after the first hip thrust. Hopelessly infatuated thought it was love. no time to contemplate you fit me like a glove. but you wanted to be with other people and I couldn't bear myself. I wanted to end myself. Kill myself.I've let the old me go. Taken over by Alter Egos, shaped by other people and now my problem is I can't care anymore. When I look in the mirror I don't know who's there anymore. I can't blame you, I understand what you went through, how I was selfish but I was confused. At the same time though so were you. I was too young to see I was a fool. But there was always a difference between me and you. I took love as seriously as I still do. I meant it when I told you I loved you. It's been 20 years and I can't stop don't know how to. I've tried n tried but you still run through my mind. Brought me to tears, forced me to realize that you can love someone so fucking much that it feels like it's killing you but you can't force love back if they're into you they're into you. But now I feel like loves a burden. my eyes, Lachrymose.
Out of everything I feel I hate love the most. It always ends the same way. Two separate Gardens one grows apathy the other heartbreak. I remember the days Where I could hang By myself. Hobbies I enjoyed Helped shape Myself.But after I put all this pain on myself I can't stand the thought I can't stand me, or the way I look at myself. its my bed I've made, I just don't wanna lie by myself, or die by myself
WORLDPATTERNZ
