Straight till Tuesday

Started out straight — or so I claimed

Had a truck, a dog, and a video game

Crushed beers on my head, yelled “U-S-A!”

But then he walked in… and I threw it all away

He had tattoos, he had flair

He fixed my carburetor — I didn’t care

I said, “Nice wrench…” he said, “You too.”

Now I’m in his bed, questionin' what I do

I was straight ‘til Tuesday, now I can’t go back

He flipped my script like a heart attack

Mama’s cryin’, Dad’s confused

But I’ve never felt so sexually used

Yeah, I was straight 'til Tuesday — now I’m gone

Hope Jesus forgives what this man’s done

We wrestled once, just for fun

Then his shirt came off and the match was won

Now we share protein shakes and shame

And I changed his name in my phone to “Game”

“Bro, it’s not gay… unless you say it is.”

“But I just bought matching towels with his.”

That’s when it hit me, I can’t deny

My closet’s empty, and so am I

I was straight ‘til Tuesday, now it’s all messed up

I shave my chest and share his truck

My ex called once — I sent her a pic

She said, “You’re smiling… and he’s got a—” click!

Yeah, I was straight 'til Tuesday — now I’m doomed

Me and Brad just honeymooned

Tell the boys at the range, I won’t be back

Tell the squad at the gym, I’ve switched tracks

There’s only one war I’m fightin’ now

And it’s snuggling hard and learning how

I was straight ‘til Tuesday, now I’m all in

We split rent, and he moisturizes my skin

Say what you want — I’ve found my way

Turns out straightness has a use-by date

Yeah, I was straight 'til Tuesday — what a plot

And I don’t regret a goddamn lot

(“Bro… pass me the almond milk.”)

(“Thanks, babe.”)