Fairness and desires

Lately I been flying, I don’t know what it’s bout,

I wanted piece of mind but scared to open up my mouth

Lord knows I’m trying,-I Been trying not to die in this house

My vision clear, but it’s my thoughts that I fear

I can’t be near without my shield and a spear

Waters get treacherous, and people more leachorous

Don’t worry they’ll be gone in a year

No pun intended,

I been counting exits just in case I gotta end it—

They smile in your face, but they don’t care if you ascended,

They rather see you grounded, dependent,

Bent over backwards, and beggin’ for mentions.

Man, lately I been sleepin’ in my shoes,

Heart heavy like a noose—tryna win but hate the rules.

Therapy ain’t really helpin’ me, I ghosted every session,

’Cause when I speak my truth, it feel like I’m confessin’ weapons.

I don’t want pity, just some silence and a room with a view,

Where I can cry, write bars, maybe record in a booth.

Look,

I ain’t suicidal, just tired of survival,

Tired of tryna armor up before I read the Bible.

Tired of bein’ noble when the world ain’t fair,

And every time I dream, I always wake up gaspin’ for air…

But to be fair-I’m……

Supposed to be grateful, supposed to be strong,

Supposed to smile wide like nothin’ is wrong.

Supposed to be the man, hold it down, stay calm—

But when the lights go out, I’m barely hangin’ on.

And that’s the part I hate…

The way I fake through faith,

Like God don’t already know I been feelin’ misplaced.

So if I break—

Let it be in a space where I’m safe…

I been tryna keep my head above,

But the waves too rough, and my breath runnin’ out (yeah)

Everybody say they real—but where they at when it count?

It’s just me, my pain, and the couch… (real talk)

I done smiled through the worst of my nights,

But that don’t mean I’m alright

I’m just good at actin’ like I’m healed on sight,

Still bleedin’ inside… but I fight.

(Still here… still tryin’… still fightin’…)

I been walkin’ through my past like it’s a haunted house,

Every frame got a face and I can’t block em out—

So I keep the lights dim, drownin’ in the-quiet,

Tryna sort through the noise in a world thats biased.

I don’t trust love—half of it feel like control,

And the other half dipped into a bowl of my woes

I was told: “Be a man, never fold, never cry,”

But that pressure got me sweatin’ in my sleep every night.

I done bled for acceptance, bled for peace,

Bled for people who ain’t never lose no sleep for me.

Tell me—what’s a breakthrough without breakdowns first?

What’s growth if you numb, still rehearsein’ your hurt?

I’m a poet, not a prophet, I ain’t come here to preach—

But my soul got wounds from tryna keep it discreet.

I be laughin’ with the crowd, then collapse in my car,

Talkin’ to God like, “You still there or you far?”

Truth is—I ain’t healed, I just learned how to mask it,

Smilin’ through the trauma like it’s wrapped in a casket…