Why do I get so depressed?
Its over little things that make me think its the end
Thru all of this sadness I cannot pretend
That smile I cant keep
Its stressin my head
Every breath that Im breathin gets shorter
My stress wantin me dead
So I sit on my bed
Thinking these things- never gon end
But at least I got God as defense
Crowd full of people but still im alone
I know God's got my back but
My hearts still feelin off beat, off track
My mind's derailed
Soul's poured out its entrails
As I pray to God after each and every one of my fails
Life feels stale
Face gettin pale
Couldnt ever be fixed by a payroll
All this stress got me feelin like itll be fatal
I dont understand
How do I hear God's voice without hearing God's voice?
I must be deaf, but not by choice
Maybe im deaf through all of the noise
The noise of silence
The noise of soundless violence
In the inside
Ive tried
To fix it
No, Ive lied
To myself, sayin imma make me better
But I end up makin excuses sayin I cant
"Im under the weather"
"Too sick to call God"
"Too tired to listen"
"I cant get up cuz Im bed-ridden"
When His Word is right in front of me
To Him Im pleadin "please"
I ask Him to give me His heart for His Word
Even if its just a little small verse
Itll soften the hurt
But yet I still stall and just make everything worse...
I know that Im not a terrible person
But my mind got me thinking im worthless
Pourin it out as im writin these verses
Got me thinking these things as Im churchless
But now Im readin Gods Word, yes Im searchin
For the cure to these horrible curses
Pain is pickin at me like a scab
Devil says "man this boy must be up for grabs"
But na, God's got me in His holy hand
Finally got a peace of mind
Finally can live my life
Finally dont gotta cry
Finally, I'm gonna fly
Maybe this way isnt right
Maybe we're just self righteousness in our own eyes
Maybe this is the way of those that die
These are my thoughts that I testify,
In my mind
I dont wanna sin anymore
But when I do I feel that I dont wanna live anymore
Feel that life can be a chore
But then I look at Whos inside of my core
Then I remember what He's done for me
Far more, *breathe in*
Far more than I could realize
He stops me when I fantasize
He keeps me from these desparate lies
He keeps me from my demise
He reminds me that He has won
For me through His Holy Son
That no matter what all is said and done
