Hands On The Ceiling

I been duckin' calls

Missed texts, missed dreams, missed meaning

But you still ring my heart

Like it’s set to your timing, not my screening

Talk in my head like

"Boy, why you run from the light you keep needing?"

I talk back soft like

"Look, I would come, but I’m tired of bleeding"

Everybody postin' blessings

Like they shopping them on sale this season

I been staring at the ceiling

Like, if you hear me, give me one reason

Why you let mama cry

Why you left dad stuck on that bottle

Why you gave me this drive

With a heart full of brakes and a half-broke throttle

So I’m just talkin' to God

Face up to the paint on the ceiling

Hands up, sayin' "I’m flawed"

You answer in a silence that’s healing

I don’t need a sign in the sky

Just a little more faith when I’m reeling

Yeah, I’m just talkin' to God

Till the hurt in my chest starts peeling

I know I said I’d change

Said that last Lent, last fall, last weekend

Break a bad habit, break it again

Guess I love what be breakin' my freedom

You say grace runs deep

But my guilt run deeper than that sometimes

You say, "Son, just speak"

But my throat lock up when I cross that line

I seen prayers answered

In ways that I ain’t ask or imagine

Like doors slam shut

Then a window pop open in the back, all random

Is it random though?

Or you stitching all the pain to a pattern

'Cause I been tryna see your plan

But the picture keep breakin' and shatterin'

Still I press send on my thoughts

Like late-night voice notes to heaven

Ramblin', rantin', confessin'

Then chill when the weight start lessenin'

So I’m just talkin' to God

Face up to the paint on the ceiling

Hands up, sayin' "I’m flawed"

You answer in a silence that’s healing

I don’t need a sign in the sky

Just a little more faith when I’m reeling

Yeah, I’m just talkin' to God

Till the hurt in my chest starts peeling

If I fall again, you there? (you there?)

If I call again, you care? (you care?)

If I doubt in the dark, you stay?

Or you done with the kid who stray?

So I’m just talkin' to God

Face up to the paint on the ceiling

Hands up, sayin' "I’m flawed"

You answer in a silence that’s healing

I don’t need a sign in the sky

Just a little more faith when I’m reeling

Yeah, I’m just talkin' to God

Till the hurt in my chest starts peeling