(Verse 1)
Woke up this mornin' with a lesson plan in hand
Tried to teach algebra, just didn't understand
The quadratic formula, a blur in my head
Gave 'em the wrong answer, wished I'd stayed in bed
The principal walked in, a frown on her face
Said "Son, you're a mess, this ain't your place"
I tried to argue, said "It's a new kind of math!"
She just shook her head and blocked my path
(Chorus)
'Cause I couldn't do the long division, couldn't spell the word "believe"
Mixed up my dates on the Battle of the Somme, and what's a mitochondria, Lord give me a reprieve?
They say those who can't, teach
And those who can't teach, teach P.E.
So I traded my textbooks for a whistle and a ball
And now I'm the king of the gym, standin' tall
(Verse 2)
Tried to read 'em Shakespeare, they just looked at me blank
I said "To be or not to be..." then my mind just went blank
Tried to talk about atoms, the protons and the neutrons
They looked at me confused, like I was from Mars
My science experiment went up in a puff of smoke
The kids all coughed and laughed, I was a joke
The school board called me in, said "This ain't gonna fly"
Said "You're a hazard to the kids, you're a danger to the eye!"
(Chorus)
'Cause I couldn't do the long division, couldn't spell the word "believe"
Mixed up my dates on the Battle of the Somme, and what's a mitochondria, Lord give me a reprieve?
They say those who can't, teach
And those who can't teach, teach P.E.
So I traded my textbooks for a whistle and a ball
And now I'm the king of the gym, standin' tall
(Bridge)
Now I'm out on the field, with my clipboard and hat
Gettin' paid to watch kids run laps, where's the problem in that?
I'm a master of dodgeball, a legend of the sprint
The only grade I give is "effort," and I never give a hint
I don't have to grade papers, don't have to write a test
Just blow on this here whistle, and give 'em all a rest
So if you see me on the bleachers, with a smile on my face
Don't be surprised, I found my rightful place
(Chorus)
'Cause I couldn't do the long division, couldn't spell the word "believe"
Mixed up my dates on the Battle of the Somme, and what's a mitochondria, Lord give me a reprieve?
They say those who can't, teach
And those who can't teach, teach P.E.
So I traded my textbooks for a whistle and a ball
And now I'm the king of the gym, standin' tall
(Outro)
Yeah, the king of the gym, that's me
And that's just how it's gotta be
Yeah, those who can't teach... teach P.E.
*(fade out with a whistle blow)*
