“Push it all away”

It starts real quiet, like a thought I can’t catch

You’re right in front of me, I’m already detached

You say my name, but it don’t feel like mine

Like something inside me just flipped a switch off this time

I see it happen and I still let it go

Like I’m standing back watching someone I don’t know

You’re getting closer, I’m backing out slow

Like I’m rehearsing losing you before you go

I push you away like I’m doing what’s right

Like I’m saving you from what lives in my mind

But it’s not protection, it’s something else

I think I’m scared of anyone getting close to myself

I say “I’m fine” while I’m cutting the line

Every connection I ever try

And I don’t even fight it anymore

I just become what I hate and shut the door

“I push you away… then I miss you the same

I’m fighting myself and I’m losing again”

You didn’t break me, you didn’t lie

You gave me nothing to justify

That’s what makes this harder to face

I’m the one tearing this down in the first place

You start to notice the shift in my tone

How I turn distant when it feels like home

And I can feel you slipping through

But I don’t move… like I want you to

There’s something in me that don’t want love

It gets too close and it tears it up

Says “leave now before they do”

So I burn it down and call it truth

And I don’t know if it’s fear or fate

Or if I’m just wired this way

But every time I let someone in

Something in me makes sure they don’t stay

I don’t chase when you walk away

I just stand there and let it break

Like I knew from the start how it ends

Alone again… like it always is